Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow ( * * )
WTF, Tredekka? You go from old movies to movies still in the theatre...to quote Bobby Brown, it's my prerogative. I do what I want to do. I'm gonna live my life. I think what it is, is; I caught a glimpse of Gwyneth Paltrow on the Ellen Degeneres show, so subconsciously I was wanted to do either a Finding Nemo review or a Sky Captain review. But I am afraid to apply the Tredekka rules to traditional (or even Pixar) animation. I say traditional because...
The Acting: ...is mostly done by CGI. Robots, Bai Ling, whatever you want to call them--they're not real people. There is some doubts about Jude Law, as well, who is kind of swishy and limp-wristed as the titular character, and by that I don't mean that he plays The World Of Tomorrow. Sir Laurence Olivier plays The World Of Tomorrow, and not very well, as he has to phone it in from the afterlife. Did I say afterlife? I meant Hell.
The Story: The story starts off incredibly promising, then hella cool, then Giovanni Ribisi enters the mix, then there was about five Star Wars references in a row, included a nerdy reference to Docking Bay 327 that I was ashamed to get, and then without the reacharound of a closing credits sequence, they launch into a second half that's like a sequel, but not in the good The-Story-Turns-A-Corner From Dusk Till Dawn way, no no, it's the shitty Let's-Kill-Some-Sandpeople, Episode II type diversion. I know I keep coming back to Star Wars, but so did Sky Captain, so I'll leave you with a final analogy: you know how the only thing Han Solo got to fly in the last half of Return of the Jedi was the imperial shuttle, because Lando took his ship and Luke and Leia ganked the speeder bikes? Even though Han's the best pilot and shit? Yeah. You'd think a movie called SKY CAPTAIN would end with, I dunno, a dogfight, maybe? Instead, they go to Gunga City. It is a safe place.
The Direction: I'll hand it to Kerry Conran, he cooked up a resume to do this movie with nothing but a Mac and five wasted years of his life, that weren't so wasted since he got to do this movie and Princess of Mars or some shit next. When it's atmospheric, it's beatufiul. The first ten minutes are 180 degrees in quality from the rest of the film...But some of the later CG looks like an Xbox load screen marinated in sepia tones. Not pretty. And what's up with Angelina Jolie's cleft lip? Can't they spackle that or somethin'?
Overall: Did I feel ripped off by paying good money to see this movie? Not at all. Not a bit. Not till the car ride home.
Tredekka Rules:
The Acting: ...is mostly done by CGI. Robots, Bai Ling, whatever you want to call them--they're not real people. There is some doubts about Jude Law, as well, who is kind of swishy and limp-wristed as the titular character, and by that I don't mean that he plays The World Of Tomorrow. Sir Laurence Olivier plays The World Of Tomorrow, and not very well, as he has to phone it in from the afterlife. Did I say afterlife? I meant Hell.
The Story: The story starts off incredibly promising, then hella cool, then Giovanni Ribisi enters the mix, then there was about five Star Wars references in a row, included a nerdy reference to Docking Bay 327 that I was ashamed to get, and then without the reacharound of a closing credits sequence, they launch into a second half that's like a sequel, but not in the good The-Story-Turns-A-Corner From Dusk Till Dawn way, no no, it's the shitty Let's-Kill-Some-Sandpeople, Episode II type diversion. I know I keep coming back to Star Wars, but so did Sky Captain, so I'll leave you with a final analogy: you know how the only thing Han Solo got to fly in the last half of Return of the Jedi was the imperial shuttle, because Lando took his ship and Luke and Leia ganked the speeder bikes? Even though Han's the best pilot and shit? Yeah. You'd think a movie called SKY CAPTAIN would end with, I dunno, a dogfight, maybe? Instead, they go to Gunga City. It is a safe place.
The Direction: I'll hand it to Kerry Conran, he cooked up a resume to do this movie with nothing but a Mac and five wasted years of his life, that weren't so wasted since he got to do this movie and Princess of Mars or some shit next. When it's atmospheric, it's beatufiul. The first ten minutes are 180 degrees in quality from the rest of the film...But some of the later CG looks like an Xbox load screen marinated in sepia tones. Not pretty. And what's up with Angelina Jolie's cleft lip? Can't they spackle that or somethin'?
Overall: Did I feel ripped off by paying good money to see this movie? Not at all. Not a bit. Not till the car ride home.
Tredekka Rules:
- Rule 3: Suck Actor Penalty (Giovanni Ribisi, -1 point)
- Rule 10 (NEW RULE): Dead Actor Penalty, AKA The Dust-Buster Clause (Sir Laurence Olivier, -1 point)
- Rule 11 (NEW RULE): Giant Robots Make Good Cinema (+1 point)
- Rule 12 (NEW RULE): Dodged The Pretentious Bullet Award (Any Film That Could Have Easily Become Pretentious Because Of Its Budget, Subject Matter Or Scope Yet Did Not Gains Between 0 and 5 points. +3 points)
Tredekka Score: ( * * )
posted by Tredekka at 6:17 PM
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