Last Action Hero ( * )
Making this movie was a "Biiiig mistake."
The Acting: This is definitely the It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World of the late eighties, early nineties action genre. You got cameos by Hammer, Chevy Chase, Jim Belushi, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Robert Patrick, Sharon Stone, Sven-Ole Thorsen (a ubiquitious bad guy), the voice of Danny Devito as the animated Detective Whiskers, Tom Noonan as The Ripper, Charles Dance (The excellent bad guy from The Golden Child) as the villain Benedict, and Anthony Quinn as a metaphor-mixing druglord Tony Vivaldi. They're not afraid to rub your nose in the details, either. When the kid makes a Die Hard reference, cue up some Die Hard music. When they talk about Vivaldi, cue up some Vivaldi. F. Murray Abraham, who played Salieri in Amadeus, is accused of being "the guy who killed Mozart" to which he replies, "Mo who?" For sheer spectacle, it's hard to beat.
The Story: Chief Wiggum said it best when he made the comment, "Golden ticket my ass, McBain." A snot-nose kid gets transported into a Schwarzenegger movie by Art Carnie, where he gets kissed by Bridgette Wilson, threatened by crimelords, and he teams up with his hero, Ah-nuld, who hates his life. Dance escapes into the real world, where there is a delightful scene where he shoots someone and announces to the populace of New York City, "I've just shot someone and I'd like to confess!" And somebody shouts, "Shut up down there!" Proving that in the real world, bad guys can win. Except...in the real world there aren't magic tickets that release Ian McKellan as Death from The Seventh Seal into the streets of New York, and none of the physics (including a blatant wire-stunt where the kid is thrown onto the roof of a building) are remotely realistic. Plus, if the kid is in a Schwarzenegger movie, why is there also an animated cat there? But as sheer spectacle, uh....that's really all it amounts to, come ot think of it.
The Direction: McTiernan was the man for the job, but the job should've been a direct-to-video Treat Williams movie.
Overall: The captain's screaming diatribe can only be fully enjoyed with the captions on. Something about "I got the California Raisins doing an all-male version of the Diary of Anne Frank" and "I got the Save-The-Eagle Foundation doing the tango up my Hershey Highway." It's surreal. And this is the film that gave us Arnold's greatest line: "To be or not to be...what a question."
Tredekka Rules:
The Acting: This is definitely the It's A Mad Mad Mad Mad World of the late eighties, early nineties action genre. You got cameos by Hammer, Chevy Chase, Jim Belushi, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Robert Patrick, Sharon Stone, Sven-Ole Thorsen (a ubiquitious bad guy), the voice of Danny Devito as the animated Detective Whiskers, Tom Noonan as The Ripper, Charles Dance (The excellent bad guy from The Golden Child) as the villain Benedict, and Anthony Quinn as a metaphor-mixing druglord Tony Vivaldi. They're not afraid to rub your nose in the details, either. When the kid makes a Die Hard reference, cue up some Die Hard music. When they talk about Vivaldi, cue up some Vivaldi. F. Murray Abraham, who played Salieri in Amadeus, is accused of being "the guy who killed Mozart" to which he replies, "Mo who?" For sheer spectacle, it's hard to beat.
The Story: Chief Wiggum said it best when he made the comment, "Golden ticket my ass, McBain." A snot-nose kid gets transported into a Schwarzenegger movie by Art Carnie, where he gets kissed by Bridgette Wilson, threatened by crimelords, and he teams up with his hero, Ah-nuld, who hates his life. Dance escapes into the real world, where there is a delightful scene where he shoots someone and announces to the populace of New York City, "I've just shot someone and I'd like to confess!" And somebody shouts, "Shut up down there!" Proving that in the real world, bad guys can win. Except...in the real world there aren't magic tickets that release Ian McKellan as Death from The Seventh Seal into the streets of New York, and none of the physics (including a blatant wire-stunt where the kid is thrown onto the roof of a building) are remotely realistic. Plus, if the kid is in a Schwarzenegger movie, why is there also an animated cat there? But as sheer spectacle, uh....that's really all it amounts to, come ot think of it.
The Direction: McTiernan was the man for the job, but the job should've been a direct-to-video Treat Williams movie.
Overall: The captain's screaming diatribe can only be fully enjoyed with the captions on. Something about "I got the California Raisins doing an all-male version of the Diary of Anne Frank" and "I got the Save-The-Eagle Foundation doing the tango up my Hershey Highway." It's surreal. And this is the film that gave us Arnold's greatest line: "To be or not to be...what a question."
Tredekka Rules:
- Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus--Tom Noonan, +1 star, Charles Dance, +1 star
- Rule 17: The "Don't Fuck With The Fourth Wall" Penalty--doesn't really apply, since that's all they do in this movie, and they make that clear from the premise. But then again, nobody can fuck with the fourth wall this much and get away with it totally. -1 star.
- Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award--goes to the thugs in cars who attack Arnie as he drives through LA. There's no reason for it, and that's why it works. +1 star. Ian McKellan's Death is kind of cool too, the way his scythe comes out of a movie screen 3D style.
- Rule 28: The "For The Kids!" Penalty--why oh why does this movie need a spielberg brat? Wouldn't it be much funnier if it was a twenty-something loser like a real Schwarzenneger fan along for the action? That is, if comedy is the chosen genre. Only a French philosopher could figure out what genre this is supposed to be...-1 star.
Tredekka Score: ( * )
posted by Tredekka at 10:31 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home