Mortal Kombat ( * * * )

This movie is dumb, but I remember it fondly nonetheless.

The Acting: Christopher Lambert crawled out from whatever rock he'd been under to portray Rayden, who is actually Asian, so this movie brought back the good old days when Richard Lancaster could put on some chinky makeup to play other races. Bit and/or second rate actors fill out most of the cast, including Bridget Wilson, who was more convincing as an ass-kicker when she punched out Adam Sandler in Billy Madison. But the highlight has got to be Trevor Goddard as Kano. Just thinking of his over-the-top-ness makes me grin "ear...to ear."

The Story: "A handful of people on the leaky boat are gonna save the world?" "Exactly."

The Direction: The stop-motion Goro was probably the last gasp of pre-CGI acting, which is maybe a good thing in a way. The movie is effects heavy and plot light, but it's based on a video game. They can't all be Shakespearean epics like Street Fighter.

Overall: Trevor dies with his head locked in Bridget Wilson's legs in this movie. Unfortunately, he died differently in real life.

Tredekka Rules:

• Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus--Trevor Goddard, +5 stars.
• Rule 13: Spawned A Shitty TV Series Penalty--not that the short-lived show ever played during daylight hours, but...-1 star.
• Rule 17: The "Don't Fuck With The Fourth Wall Penalty"--goes to the time when Johnny Cage beats Scorpion (which is ridonculous in itself, much less when he beats Goro later on, even though that later scene does involve Goro-crotch-punching) and then leaves a signed photo of himself, a la his "Friendship" finishing move in the game. Say "cheese!" -1 star.
• Rule 36 (NEW RULE): The Unfair Game Rule: Any Movie Based On A Game Gets -1 star.

Tredekka Score: ( * * * )