The Lost Boys ( * * * )

I'm trying to close out some "missing links" for the last Tredekka reviews, and I've mentioned Lost Boys waaay too many times to not review it. Still can't believe Schumacher directed this thing.

The Acting: Damn, yo. What an Eighties mindfuck this cast is. Ya got Alexander Winter as Marko (there was also a terrorist named "Marco" in Die Hard), eighties semi-hottie Jami Gertz as Star, and of course Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. Oops, I mean Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. Kiefer Sutherland worked with Schumacher at least three times after this movie. Proof positive he's gay.

The Story: Santa Carla, California's got one of the highest death tolls in the country. Big deal, I live twenty minutes away from Atlanta. Anyway, vampires with metal band hair product and the abililty to just fly around (wtf???) terrorize the town and try to recruit more members from the Emerson family, which includes Corey Haim and Jason Patric. Now I know why Schumacher wanted to direct this movie. See, vampires are like homosexuals in that they "recruit" their members, and he wanted to "recruit" Jason Patric and Corey Haim. As far as Corey Haim goes, though, he probably only had to "ask."

The Direction:

Overall: No, I left that blank on purpose.

Tredekka Rules:

• Rule 5: Imploding = Good Acting, +1 star
• Rule 6: Over The Top Acting Award--the performances were good across the board, but I think I'll single out Kiefer for creepily echoing his dad as a self-assured menace. +1 star.
• Rule 16: The Paul Verhoeven "More Blood" award--goes to, fuck it, the script by Jeffrey Boam. Ugh...and Schumacher...I guess... +1 star.
• Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award--goes to Bernard Hughes as Grandpa, whose-specially equipped truck defies belief. He also has the best movie-ending one-liner, the one about "...all the damn vampires." +1 star.
• Rule37: Any Film Directed By Joel Shitmaker, -1 star.

Tredekka Score: ( * * * )