Superman II ( * * * * * )
X-Men, The Mask, Daredevil, Batman Forever, Batman And Robin...the ranks of awful superhero movies is vast, and soon more will come...Elektra, Ghost Rider and Fantastic Four are just around the corner. Terminator 2 is probably the best comic book movie made in terms of having traditional superhero subject matter, but when it comes to superhero movies, can there be any doubt what stands as king of the hill?
The Acting: God damn there is some good acting in this movie. Like that little hillbilly boy that goes, "Paw! Paw!" Okay, maybe not him, but the three Kryptonian criminals released from the Phantom Zone--Jack O'Halloran as Non, fine Eighties actress Sarah Douglas as Ursa, and Terence Motherfucking Stamp as General Motherfucking Zod are the most badass trio of evildoers you'll ever meet. And who could stop them but Christopher Reeve as Superman? When General Zod says, "You will kneel before Zod!" and calls out "The son of our Jailor!" to a fight, you know some shit's gonna go down. And it does.
The Story: Supes wants to retire and marry Lois Lane (Margot Kidder), and he's willing to sacrfice everything to do it. But a terrorist nuke frees three nihilistic criminals with godlike powers, who do everything from walk on water and burn serpents in their new Eden to blowing away a crowd of pissed-off Metropolites to beating the shit out of Superman to doing that thing where they all point their fingers at him and shoot out white lasers, but then he throws his Superman symbol at them and does that mirage trick and--and--shit, it blows my mind just thinking about it all. What a fucking cool movie. I still get goosebumps when I think of Sarah Douglas calling out, "Supah Mon!" before whanging him with a manhole cover, or remarking to Zod, "They're like pets!"--referring, of course, to mankind.
The Direction: Richard Lester did another hit movie about four larger-than life aliens--A Hard Day's Night, starring The Beatles. But did Ringo ever punch George through a giant neon Coca-Cola sign? Okay, maybe that one time.
Overall: There's a moment in this movie where you think, shit, Supes loses. He's in the chamber to have his powers robbed for all time. Lights are flashing, and then it's done, and he comes out, and kneels before Zod, and takes his hand in a gesture of supplication. And he squeezes with his full superstrength, and Terence Stamp's expression of shock, outrage and pain is one of the best payoffs EVER. Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor is King of Australia in Superman II, but Superman II is king of a whole genre. Why does it work so well? Because Superman is treated like a three-dimensional character, and some of the choices he makes in this film are hard for kids to understand. Why does he want to give up his powers for Lois Lane? Why does he flee the battle over Metropolis? But then you grow up and appreciate that he loves Lois, and that he'd rather save lives than save face. But at the same time, Reeve is also the simple comic book hero we all want him to be. That's a near-impossible juggling act a lesser actor could never pull off.
Tredekka Rules:
The Acting: God damn there is some good acting in this movie. Like that little hillbilly boy that goes, "Paw! Paw!" Okay, maybe not him, but the three Kryptonian criminals released from the Phantom Zone--Jack O'Halloran as Non, fine Eighties actress Sarah Douglas as Ursa, and Terence Motherfucking Stamp as General Motherfucking Zod are the most badass trio of evildoers you'll ever meet. And who could stop them but Christopher Reeve as Superman? When General Zod says, "You will kneel before Zod!" and calls out "The son of our Jailor!" to a fight, you know some shit's gonna go down. And it does.
The Story: Supes wants to retire and marry Lois Lane (Margot Kidder), and he's willing to sacrfice everything to do it. But a terrorist nuke frees three nihilistic criminals with godlike powers, who do everything from walk on water and burn serpents in their new Eden to blowing away a crowd of pissed-off Metropolites to beating the shit out of Superman to doing that thing where they all point their fingers at him and shoot out white lasers, but then he throws his Superman symbol at them and does that mirage trick and--and--shit, it blows my mind just thinking about it all. What a fucking cool movie. I still get goosebumps when I think of Sarah Douglas calling out, "Supah Mon!" before whanging him with a manhole cover, or remarking to Zod, "They're like pets!"--referring, of course, to mankind.
The Direction: Richard Lester did another hit movie about four larger-than life aliens--A Hard Day's Night, starring The Beatles. But did Ringo ever punch George through a giant neon Coca-Cola sign? Okay, maybe that one time.
Overall: There's a moment in this movie where you think, shit, Supes loses. He's in the chamber to have his powers robbed for all time. Lights are flashing, and then it's done, and he comes out, and kneels before Zod, and takes his hand in a gesture of supplication. And he squeezes with his full superstrength, and Terence Stamp's expression of shock, outrage and pain is one of the best payoffs EVER. Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor is King of Australia in Superman II, but Superman II is king of a whole genre. Why does it work so well? Because Superman is treated like a three-dimensional character, and some of the choices he makes in this film are hard for kids to understand. Why does he want to give up his powers for Lois Lane? Why does he flee the battle over Metropolis? But then you grow up and appreciate that he loves Lois, and that he'd rather save lives than save face. But at the same time, Reeve is also the simple comic book hero we all want him to be. That's a near-impossible juggling act a lesser actor could never pull off.
Tredekka Rules:
- Rule 1: No Movie Can Get More Than 5 Stars, Not Even Deadfall. Or Superman II.
- Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus--Terence Stamp, +1 star
- Rule 5: Sptting = Good Acting--Chris Reeve gets a bloody mouth from a waffle house dude before he starts "working out." +1 star.
- Rule 6: Over The Top Acting Award--1 star for each of the four Kryptonians, who give us a aerial duel that can't be replicated, even though the Matrix Revolutions tried. And 1 star goes to Margot Kidder, who's so plucky she almost gets herself killed.
- Rule 17: The "Don't Fuck With The Fourth Wall" Penalty--minus 2 stars for winking at the camera.
- Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award--actually, this goes to Superman's reentry in the middle of the film, when he asks Zod to "step outside" while hovering several stories above the city street. Kick...ass. +1 star.
- Rule 24: Exploding Buildings Are Good, +1 star.
- Rule 34: The Superhero Movie Handicap, -1 star.
Tredekka Score: ( * * * * * )
posted by Tredekka at 7:36 PM
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