They Live ( * * * * * )

Me and some guys met Roddy Piper at DragonCon a while back, and he was a class-act all around. My friend Jason bought some sunglasses for him to sign, and Roddy acted like nobody had ever thought of that before, then started acting out a scene from this movie, play wrestling with his convention assistant, saying, "It's hard to get people to try these things on." He only fucked with the guy for a couple of seconds, which was a good thing for the assistant since he was a skinny white dude who couldn't survive a five minute brawl with Rowdy Roddy anyway. This is a man who has been stabbed by three fans, yet is still classy enough to have played bagpipes for Princess Diana. And it was he--not John Carpenter under the writing alias Frank Armitage--who created the line, "I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum." For my money, that line stands as the polar opposite of Storm's line in the X-Men movie (you know the one) as probably the greatest one-liner of all time. They Live rules!

The Acting: There's something about Meg Foster that makes me want to put a blindfold over those freaky blue eyes of hers and do nasty things, at least to the Evil-Lyn/80's Era Meg Foster. She's excellent here as a treacherous media person. But nothing tops the simple buddy team-up of David and Piper. Angry black everyman Keith David is always a treat in any movie, but when you team him up with Roddy Piper, put them in an alleyway, and have them fight for five solid minutes, it's fucking movie gold.

The Story: Piper plays the unnamed everyman (credited as Nada) who has his own tools and knows how to use them, he just wants an honest wage for an honest day's work. Good luck, when you're living in the decade of greed and zombie-like yuppie aliens are running things behind the scenes. He discovers a pair of sunglasses that allow him to see the way things really are, including all the subliminal messages written everywhere ("CONSUME" on a billboard, "I AM YOUR GOD" on a greenback) as well as mini satellite dishes on traffic lights, floating surveillance robots, and of course the alien yuppie scum who are behind it all. So he does what any everyman would logically do. Kills a couple of aliens-as-cops, takes their pistols and shotgun, strolls into a bank, and starts blowing the fuckers away. But that's not much of a master plan, so he tries to enlist his buddy from the construction site to help out. That also doesn't turn out too good for him. In fact, Nada has a very bad week, but let's just say that in the end, he gets the job done--and with a smile, too.

The Direction: The pacing suffers a little from Carpenter's slow style, but it benefits greatly from his sense of humor and his excellent soundtrack. Carpenter has his very own niche in seige-horror pictures, and this is far and away my favorite horror movie ever. As far as I know (though I've only seen a handful of others, including Hell Comes To Frogtown by T2 co-scribe Randall Frakes, Dead Tides with Trevor Goddard, and the execrable Tough and Deadly with Tae-Bo master Billy Blanks) it's Piper's only good movie, which is generally a testamant to a quality director. There is no funnier (or longer) street brawl in movies, and it's a visionary delight.

Overall: A classic movie with one of those great, Silence of the Lambs-type open endings that allows you to ponder and enjoy the movie long after its over.

Tredekka Rules

• Rule 1: No Movie Can Get More Than 5 Stars, Not Even Deadfall. Or They Live. But that doesn't mean it can't go off the scale in terms of racking up points--this is on the top ten, after all!
• Rule 5: Sweet Actor Bonus--Keith David, +2 stars--Al Leong, +3 stars--and Roddy Piper, +4 stars. We're up to 9 stars, and we're only at Rule number 5. That's ridonculous.
• Rule 6: Over The Top Acting Award--Observe Piper at his most subdued, recalling a tender moment from his childhood when his father took him down to the river to teach him about the power and glory, and saws his little neck back and forth just like a little tree. And try not to giggle with delight, I dare you. Or better yet, just watch the fucking fight scene again. When he smashes the bottle to use against Keith David and it evaporates into useless chunks, Piper gives a laugh that looks absolutely spontanous, yet doesn't break character. And the look of determination when he gets up for the third time--even in that mullet, you've got to take him seriously. What a performer. +5 stars.
• Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award--goes to the "bubble gum" scene. You really can't beat it, unless your name is Mr. Stay-Puft. It's like I told Roddy myself, They Live is a classic. +1 star.

Tredekka Score: ( * * * * * )