Silver Bullet ( * * )
"Holy jumped-up bald-headed Jesus Palamina!" Such is Gary Busey's reaction to hearing the theory that a werewolf in town is killing the locals, and it's a fairly level reaction. After all, Werewolves--unlike zombies, vampires, sprites, brownies, Will Smiths, Draculas, harpies, gargoyles, grotesques and gillmen--are ridonculous. Thank god Lost Boy-slayer Corey Feldmen is on hand (but no legs, the fucking cripple) to help out.
The Acting: At least one cast member in this movie breaks out into cult film fame every few years, so by 2058 we should know all of them by name. You got Terry O'Quinn (currently in Lost on ABC), Everett McGill (Straight Story and Twi...other Lynch stuff) and even Lawrence Tierney, who does not, unfortunately, beat up the werewolf in the parking lot like he did to his brother that one time.
The Story: Stephen King wrote it. That doesn't mean it's good. In fact, it's not very good. Maybe because Stephen King wrote it. Maybe not. I read the end of Dark Tower VII recently. I won't give away any spoilers. But Stephen King wrote it and I'm still trying to decide how pissed I am at him. He's old now.
The Direction: Some Dude directed it, and it has the distinct imprimateur of Some Dude. Where'd you get that Super Firework, Some Dude? You know the one, the one that can pierce human or werewolf flesh. I ain't never been in a war, but I shot them fireworks. Speaking of unusual weapons, what the fuck, Busey? They send you in with enough silver to make two bullets, and you waste half of it on a silver shell casing? What're you gonna do, pick up the shell casing and jam it down the werewolf's throat if you miss the first time? Don't you know he can see your heat?
Overall: Lawrence Tierney's baseball bat is named "The Peacemaker." Well of course it is.
Tredekka Rules:
The Acting: At least one cast member in this movie breaks out into cult film fame every few years, so by 2058 we should know all of them by name. You got Terry O'Quinn (currently in Lost on ABC), Everett McGill (Straight Story and Twi...other Lynch stuff) and even Lawrence Tierney, who does not, unfortunately, beat up the werewolf in the parking lot like he did to his brother that one time.
The Story: Stephen King wrote it. That doesn't mean it's good. In fact, it's not very good. Maybe because Stephen King wrote it. Maybe not. I read the end of Dark Tower VII recently. I won't give away any spoilers. But Stephen King wrote it and I'm still trying to decide how pissed I am at him. He's old now.
The Direction: Some Dude directed it, and it has the distinct imprimateur of Some Dude. Where'd you get that Super Firework, Some Dude? You know the one, the one that can pierce human or werewolf flesh. I ain't never been in a war, but I shot them fireworks. Speaking of unusual weapons, what the fuck, Busey? They send you in with enough silver to make two bullets, and you waste half of it on a silver shell casing? What're you gonna do, pick up the shell casing and jam it down the werewolf's throat if you miss the first time? Don't you know he can see your heat?
Overall: Lawrence Tierney's baseball bat is named "The Peacemaker." Well of course it is.
Tredekka Rules:
- Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus--Gary Busey, +2 stars.
- Rule 6: Over The Top Acting Award--Busey as a drunk uncle? Perfect. Can he drink in front of the crippled boy who idolizes him? Even better. Maybe Stephen King is good after all. I hope his fans forgive me, cuz I can't take no "private justice." +1 point.
- Rule 19: Narration Won't Save You, Bitches--talky talky talky. I see how it is, Mister Penguin. -1 point.
Tredekka Score: ( * * )
posted by Tredekka at 7:49 PM
1 Comments:
It's Corey Haim not Feldmen. Have you even seen this movie?
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