Star Wars ( * * * * * )

It's always amazing how many girls out there haven't seen Star Wars, as if VHS rentals and the USA network had never existed. As far as I'm concerned, Star Wars was the war of my generation, and anyone who hasn't seen it is a draft-dodger. Now let me add something completely original that's never been said before: I grew with Star Wars. I love Star Wars. I love the memory of playing with the toys, seeing the commercials for the toys. The feeling that I was part of something bigger, the sheer joy of seeing racks of carded figures in department store aisles. It was a total experience. I saw the movie when I was two or three, so it's hard to remember that specific experience, but I'm told I saw it several times, and I've even seen it a few times since. A few dozen times, I hope, but I wouldn't be shocked if it was a few hundred.

The Acting: I can see why the acting was dismissed as B-list acting, but the elder Brits in the cast, Alec Guiness and Peter Cushing, bring a statesmanlike dignity to the proceedings. Harrison Ford kicks ass as the shoot-first, shoot later smuggler Han Solo and Darth Vader is the silver screen's greatest villain ever. I mean, I love the warden from Story of Ricky as much as anybody, but come on.

The Story: Power of myth.

The Direction: [straining and grimacing] Lucas's...directing...is...good....[suddenly breathing easy] Whew. I said it.

Overall: I remember the peanut butter taste of Pepperidge Farms Wookiee Cookies. I remember the art in the giant-sized Star Wars comic I would read every summer at the family cabin in Idaho. I remember the feel of the hidden compartment inside my Sandcrawler toy. I remember the smell of the foam pieces of garbage of the Death Star playset. I remember the sound of lightsaber battles experienced across time, throughout every phase of my life. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.

Tredekka Rules:

• Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus--Alec Guiness, +1 star.
• Rule 14: Cool Gun Award--Han's blaster, Chewie's bowcaster--hell, I'd take the Jawa's shitty little ion cannon. They're all awesome! +1 star.
• Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award--1 star goes to Obi-Wan, appearing as a "crazy old wizard" in the desert by howling like a dragon, and to the Rebel Blockade Runner that is running for its life as soon as the movie starts. Vader's smoky entrance is pretty badass, too.
• Rule 31 (NEW RULE): Lightsabers Are Sweet--1 star goes to any movie with a lightsaber, at least until Adobe Photoshop ruins it for me.
• Rule 32 (NEW RULE): William Hootkins = Blockbuster--plus 1 star for any film (especially the first part of a trilogy) starring William Hootkins. He guarantees success.

Tredekka Score: ( * * * * * )