The Portable Tredekka Rules

So what are the Tredekka Rules? A point-based system for grading movies, most giving a fixed value between one and five stars, and here compiled in one slim volume for the first time.

• Rule 1: No Movie Can Get More Than 5 Stars, Not Even Deadfall. (See Deadfall, first review)
• Rule 2: Any Movie With A Deadfall Alum Automatically Gets 2 Stars. +2 stars
• Rule 3: Suck Actor Penalty (1-5 depending on actor)
• Rule 4: Sweet Actor Bonus (1-5 depending on actor)
• Rule 5: Spitting = Good Acting. +1 point
• Rule 6: Over The Top Acting Award (1-5 points)
• Rule 7: Cameo By Human Intestines. +1 point
• Rule 8: Any Movie With Hot Lesbian Kissing Automatically Gets 2 Stars
• Rule 9: Any David Lynch Movie Without Jack Nance, -1 Star.
• Rule 10: Dead Actor Penalty, AKA The Dust-Buster Clause (1-5 points)
• Rule 11: Giant Robots Make Good Cinema, +1 point.
• Rule 12: Dodged The Pretentious Bullet Award (1-5 points)
• Rule 13: Spawned A Shitty TV Series Penalty, -1 point.
• Rule 14: Cool Gun Award, +1 point
• Rule 15: Practise Makes Perfect (I Like It When Cops Practise On The Firing Range) +1 point
• Rule 16: The Paul Verhoeven "MORE BLOOD!" Award
• Rule 17: The "Don't Fuck With The Fourth Wall" Penalty
• Rule 18: The Two-Headed Calf Boobie Prize
• Rule 19: Narration Won't Save You, Bitches
• Rule 20: Don't Give Me A Headache.
• Rule 21: Theme This (Any Film Based On A Theme Park Attraction Loses Between 1 and 5 Points)
• Rule 22: The Great Entrance Award
• Rule 23: Master And Command Your Title, Stupid
• Rule 24: Exploding Buildings Are Good.
• Rule 25: The Windy City Award (Any Movie Written By David Mamet Gets +1 star)
• Rule 26: All Prequels Suck. -5 points.
• Rule 27: The Trunk Sees All. Quentin Tarantino only.
• Rule 28: The "For The Kids!" Penalty
• Rule 29: Any Film Shorter Than 86 Minutes Is For Pussies
• Rule 30: Any Animated Film Gets A Pity Star For The Effort.
• Rule 31: Lightsabers Are Sweet
• Rule 32: William Hootkins = Blockbuster
• Rule 33: Any Documentary Gets A Pity Star For The Effort.
• Rule 34: The Superhero Movie Handicap, -1 star.
• Rule 35: Any David Lynch Movie with Jack Nance, +1 star
• Rule 36: The Unfair Game Rule: Any Movie Based On A Game Gets -1 Star.
• Rule 37: Any Film Directed By Joel Shitmaker, -1 star.
• Rule 38: The "Blind Me Now" Penalty: Any Film That Prominently Features A Naked Dude, -1 star
• Rule 39: Dystopian Futures Are Fun!
• Rule 40: I Love It When Americans Mouth Off To Nazis.
• Rule 41: Stick A Needle In My Eye--Minus 1 Star To Any Movie With A Shooting Up Scene.
• Rule 42: Any Movie With The Words "Episode" or "Special Edition" in its title gets -1 star.